


how can a set of books do this kind of thing?

by BarksOfTheHeart



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Harry Potter books, tw: mention of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 19:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2878217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarksOfTheHeart/pseuds/BarksOfTheHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very eager Laura makes Carmilla read her favorite books-all seven of them-while she studies for finals and both find an unexpected bond on the roller coaster and journey of it all. Laura won't kiss Carmilla until she finishes all of them, so that's a motivator. Mentions of Carmilla's hard past and Laura's as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how can a set of books do this kind of thing?

**Author's Note:**

> “I’m enjoying myself, I will read the…” She searched for the seventh book on the almost empty box set. “…Deathly Hallows, even though you spoiled me...” Laura shot her a look. “…or that I effectively figured out everything.”
> 
> “You’re an insufferable—” Her breath hitched as Carmilla laced her fingers with hers.
> 
> “—know-it-all? Proud of it.” Carmilla said with a smug, big grin.
> 
> \---
> 
> I'm such an angst-y piece of crap. I was supposed to write all fluff but memories from my own experience reading these book triggered and boom. There's heavy angst all over the place, but it ends on such a great note!

Laura made Carmilla read the Harry Potter series against her will. Well, not to that extreme, but close. She had read the first book before, but didn’t continue because the idea of something as ridiculous as wizards baffled her. Laura’s father got her the series in one of her care packages for college: _“I know finals and overarching stress are approaching, but drifting off to the magical world could help, right?”_

“It sounds more like he’s setting off the opposite kind of distraction for you here.” Carmilla chuckles as she puts her philosophy book down and sits up her bed. Laura turned her head guessing the look on Carmilla’s face…yes, eyebrow up and a smirk on her face.

“It’s sweet. Besides, they do help me relieve my stress.”

“Care to tell me how?” She saw her girlfriend’s face light up, just as it does whenever she’s about to passionately explain something.

“Well, it’s this entirely different magical universe with characters developed deeply enough to drag you around like one of their own.” Carmila tried to remember when she started reading the first book. Yes, it was an amusing, different world, but maybe she needed to see more to get invested. “Each book is a roller coaster ride. And even though I read all of them at least five times, I enjoy them just the same.” There was _that_ glimmer in her eyes that told Carmilla these books clearly mean a lot to her. Also, the fact that she’s read them five times is another strong hint. “Was it the same for you?”

“I can’t really tell cupcake. I became uninterested by the first one.” The glimmer in Laura’s eyes instantly disappeared and was replaced with a furrowed look.

“What? You never finished th—” She cut herself, grabbed the package and threw herself next to Carmilla on her bed. “You need to read these. Starting now.” Laura’s voice was now demanding as she put the pile of books on Carmilla’s lap.

“And that’s an order?”

The vampire scoffs, only to be surprisingly met by a pair of lips against hers. Hands also frantically cupped her face and it was all too sweet and endearing to Carmilla to question it, so she went along. A hand was now grasping Laura's hair effectively deepening the kiss and the other one, after putting the books away, dropped to her hips. Lips parted in a gasp surprisingly coming from her and Laura took the opportunity to reposition herself, fully turning to sit on the bed and pushing Carmilla down to straddle her. They were both humming as they were slowly basking in the blissful sensations.

Laura intended on stopping a few moments ago—trying to be a little considerate—but it all washed away on a haze...until one of Carmilla's hand started to make its way down her arm. She regained control of her thoughts and slowly separated. When she opened her eyes, she was met with an uncharacteristic dumbfounded Carmilla. She was still on the daze Laura was before, which made the tiny girl let out a smirk and looked at her intently. Once Carmilla touched ground, she silently stared at her girlfriend, looking for an explanation, running ideas through her mind. Panic then flashed across her face but Laura calmed her speculations by lacing their fingers together.

Carmilla, not daring to look away, sat up to level herself. "What the frilly hell just happened?" Laura, once again, snorts at her sight. But then she moved to the edge of the bed.

"As of now, I won't let you, or the books, be a distraction..." Her tone was playful yet challenging. And the realization came like a bucket of ice. "...at least until you read them."

Carmilla opened her mouth trying to argue, but she was at loss for a moment. "I find this unfair and nonsensical."

"Well, I stand by it. You need to read them." She couldn't quite understand why Laura was insisting so much, but even less, how she decided to agree to the challenge.

"Fine." She was met with a broad smile and wanted to tease back. "But how, may I ask, will you keep your hands off me?" Carmilla tried to approach to Laura and put a hand on her lap, but before she even got halfway there, her girlfriend jumped up.

"I won't talk to you. Only when you finish each book."

"What?" The lack of response was all she needed to get what Laura meant. "Sometimes you're insufferable, cupcake." _Insufferable know-it-all_ , Laura thought to herself and started laughing. Carmilla frantically looked for book one of the series and started to re-read it.

\---

 

"How is Voldemort a threat? The dimwit doesn't even have a proper body?" Carmilla uttered as she closed the book. Without looking, Laura knew she was finished. 

"Dark magic, Carmilla. And it’s _You-Know-Who._ "

"Whatever. If he's supposed to last six more books I better see some progress." Laura laughed to herself and then continued on writing her lit paper.

 

\---

 

"I've got two observations. Firstly, the fact that they introduce a new way of racial issues is very amusing—especially because it is detached from the human world. It’s something entirely theirs, which draws me to find out more.” Laura was taken by surprise by the sudden analysis, and turned her chair to face her girlfriend. 

“I can’t believe what’s drawing you into the story is the racial subject.”

“Oh, no. It’s not only that.” Carmilla paused. “It’s just making the fictional world I’m reading worthy of going away to. It’s different.”

“Are you just saying this because you want a kiss?”

“Is it working?” She lowered her tone seductively, hoping it would indeed work.

Laura quirked her face in frustration, but didn’t want to let the vampire win this one. “No.”

“ _Bollocks!_ ” Carmilla spat playfully with her best Enlgish accent. She noticed the non-convincing tone on the other end and wasn’t _about_ to let it go just yet.

“ _Carmilla!_ It really isn’t. You had a second point?” But Laura wasn’t _about_ to let it continue.

“Right. Polyjuice potion can suck it, I shapeshift into a giant cat, who can beat that?”

 

\---

 

This time Laura was resting on Carmilla's lap while the vampire held the book with one hand and ran the other one through the blonde's hair. It was a slight violation to their agreement; but it was a long day of studying and if she read another piece by Hemingway she was sure she’d burst. It was all beautifully written, really, but there was so much reading she could take. She didn't have to say anything to Carmilla. When she saw the exhausted look on tiny girl's face she gladly welcomed her into her arms and there they were. Laura woke up from her daze as she heard a loud thump of a closing book.

"Sirius Black is my new favorite."

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Her voice was low and with a huff she sat up on the bed to face Carmilla.

“He really is misunderstood.”

“I know.” Laura was thrilled at how her girlfriend was becoming invested to the different characters and elements of the book. It was always fun to interact with first time, passionate readers of the series, but Carmilla was utterly endearing. She felt connected to her in a unique way, and she made it her mission to make sure she kept on reading if this meant having conversations like this one.

“Laura?” Carmilla’s tone turned dark all of the sudden, and Laura stiffened, taken aback by it.

“Yes?”

“The Dementors represent depression.” It wasn’t a question, and Laura knew that, but she nodded anyway. “I—I lost hope not only once, but multiple times in my long life. It was just obscure and lonely, you know?” Her eyes were now heavy on Laura’s. She wasn’t used to it, but this was Carmilla talking—really talking—and she was happy this side of her was starting to show. “Not to be soppy or anything like that, but I want you to know that you’re a bright light amongst all that.”

Laura’s heart clenched and ached right then. Of course she knew Carmilla was dealing with demons, and shadows and surely other dark entities she doesn’t even know exist, and always will…but it has never looked so raw.

“You’re making it very hard not being able to kiss you.” She knew this moment wouldn’t last too long, or Carmilla wouldn't let it last long, so she decided to relieve the mood with her unconscious thought on a sigh.

“Oh, you _are_ able, sweetheart. You just don’t want to.” A playful hand ran through Laura’s cheek, and smitten look flashed on Carmilla’s eyes.

“You’re such a soppy mess.”

 

\---

 

It was a quick motion, but Laura was sure she saw a book fly across the room from the corner of her eye and hit a wall. "You know those are mine, right?" But Carmilla ignored her. 

"A bunch of sophomoric imbeciles."

"Who?" Ignored with a huff. “Who are you talking about?” The vampire finally caught the voice coming from the desk and answered.

"All of them. It's infuriating how they don't stop and think about what they do half of the time."

"Well, I find it very human, very real, very me."

"Exactly. Yet I find myself consumed, utterly drawn by it..." Carmilla starts to make her way to Laura. "...just like I am to you." She places both hands on her girlfriend's shoulders and she lets them linger for a while before speaking.

"Three books left, Carmilla." Her face furrows in frustration and she sits on the bed to open the next book.

 

\---

 

It's 3am and she hasn't been able to put down the book—she didn't want to. Carmilla almost immediately noticed the shift in the characters' tone. This was a darker book compared to the others. There were stupid decisions, but there was also anger, a lot of anger. One of the reasons Carmilla couldn't put the book down was because she wanted to know if it got better. She thought it was ridiculous, but it reminded her of the lonely centuries she had to spend by herself before finding Ell...and ultimately Laura. Harry felt misunderstood, alone, baffled as to why that was, and Carmilla understood it all too well.

"You felt it too?" A small voice came from across the room and Carmilla almost jumped out of her bed. Her eyes focused on the girl in front of her sitting and curled up on her blanket.

"How long have you been up, sweetheart?"

"I never really went to sleep." At the revelation, she moved towards Carmilla's bed. "After I decided to give up on my lit paper I just shuffled for hours. You were obviously too into your reading, so I didn’t want to bother you." As she finally sat beside Carmilla, the vampire could look at her eyes properly. They were pink and glassy, a hint of tears about to fall—again?

"Whoa, Laura, have you been crying?" Carmilla immediately dropped the book wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. There wasn't a reason to lie as she sniffled and Laura repositions to fit Carmilla's embrace.

"Yes." Her voice was raspy. She’s probably been silently crying for hours and Carmilla didn’t notice. The thought hurt her deeply.

"May I know why?"

"Well, did you feel it?"

"I don't—" Laura cut her off.

"The sense of incomprehensible loneliness. You're in the darker chapters, correct?"

"Yes, but wh—" _But_ she was cut again.

"I used to read these books with my mom. She bought the first one when it came out. Same with the next ones until..." She took a deep breath before continuing, and it was all it took Carmilla to understand everything. The connection with the books, and how insistent she was about it all. She wanted her to be part of it, which Carmilla found very sweet. "...until she couldn't."

"This is why they mean so much to you." Laura nods with a heavy, trembling sigh. She's never talked about her mother to Carmilla until now, but she was willing to. She needed it.

"I re-read them all after she died. It was my coping mechanism. But the fifth book struck me the most. I became distant, but wasn't really aware of it, so it was frustrating to carry that energy around like a shadow...only that instead of walking with me it was dragging me down..." She paused to look at Carmilla. She looked calm but attentive. The vampire took one of Laura's hands and intertwined their fingers together, followed by a kiss on the back of them. She was patiently waiting for her girlfriend to continue, but she didn’t. Then she thought about how the purpose of all was also to connect with Laura.

"His feelings resonate with mine before meeting you. After I woke up in this century I also had a shadow. And maybe I always did, but it was only then I noticed. It was a terrible, terrible eternity of constantly confir—confirming Ell’s statement.” At the mention of Ell, Laura stiffened, at which Carmilla responded giving her a kiss on the cheek. "It’s not that I didn’t care back then, because I did—I really did…” Carmilla’s tone turned heavy and dark. “But in order to survive I needed to disconnect myself. So after I woke up it was all so present.” The realization of the anger and regret Carmilla felt was excruciating, and to think she had to still live an eternity of abuse was unbearable…until she met Laura. It was the first time since being tied up that Carmilla talked about her past in detail. Laura could only imagine a slight part of how terrible it feels.

“Isn’t it weird? How we’re not aware of our shadows until something terrible happens?”

“I believe it’s realistic. We’re all naïve until we’re not.”

They stayed silent for a second. Only the ghost of their hands caressing. Laura has thought about it many times—Carmilla’s shadows. She was hard to read most of the time, but every time Laura gets a glimpse of her sorrow she ought to take note. 334 years of _miserable eternity_ , as Carmilla puts it, yet she was capable of opening her doors to Laura—or at least she’s been trying to.

“This book made me realize what I was doing to myself and to everyone else. So I stopped closing the open doors around me.” She drawls so softly it wasn’t almost enough to wake up the vampire from the trance they were in.

“I’m glad, cupcake.”

Silence made its presence again, but Laura still felt bad. “Carm?”

“Yes?” This time her gaze was soft on her.

“I’m sorry.” The vampire didn’t say anything, but squeezed Laura’s hand intrigued nonetheless. “I’m sorry for triggering your memories. I mean—I want to tell you things and connect with you but…” She lost her train of thought for a second but quickly recovered it. “I have my shadow, but you’ve got many more. You’ve been here for so long and I feel stupid talking about myself someti—”

“No, Laura. Don’t even think about belittling yourself, that’s not my intention. The number of years, or shadows, or whatever…they don’t determine the importance of someone’s pain.”

“I know that. It’s just…” She paused again and sighed. “I’m sorry.” The last sentence was delivered with a yawn and Laura knew she needed some rest, but she wasn’t about to move away. Not now.

“And I’m sorry about your mom, sweetheart. You need to tell me more about her because she sounds incredible.”

 _She was_ , thought Laura as she closed her eyes.

\---

Laura woke up on Carmilla’s lap. She was still reading book five with a somber look that made Laura’s heart sink, since she knew it only got worse.

She decided not to ask, but reached for Carmilla’s free hand. The latter jolted, but relaxed immediately. Laura then started to study the vampire’s movements in silence. How her eyebrows quirked with probably the mention of something ridiculous. Her heavy sighs when she reached the end of a chapter. And then the sudden still face she had as she reached the last page.

“Harry’s only family is gone.” Laura also hears the stillness in Carmilla’s voice and sits up, searching for her gaze preoccupied. “This is so appalling.” It was hard to read, or maybe it was just expressionless, she couldn’t tell.

“Carm?”

“Harry’s only family is _gone_.” The last word was emphasized with a choke, and as Carmilla pulled her knees to her chest and face to her hands, Laura put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. The sobs came in waves and they took both Carmilla and Laura by surprise.

Laura knew where Carmilla was going with this and she was ready to listen. It was indeed a roller coaster ride, and this was the ninety degrees drop of it all. Had she known these brought a different side of Carmilla, Laura would have thought twice before lending them. It wasn’t her intention to hit her this way. She was meticulously trying to peek through Carmilla’s walls her own way, but the unplanned connection she figured wasn’t a bad option either.

“I lost them.” Then she buried her face on Laura’s shirt. “ _Twice._ ” She was grasping so hard at her shirt Laura thought it would rip…but she didn’t care. Nothing was more important than this moment right now. "I've lost so many people." Grief, sadness, those are strange entities that come and go in waves—unexpected waves—and she was going to let Carmilla feel them fully.

“I know…” It’s all Laura managed to say with a hand now stroking Carmilla’s soft hair. She kissed her temple so delicately as if trying to wipe everything away. Of course, she couldn't.

“I had family, and then I was alone.” She lifted her head from her girlfriend’s chest. “Laura, do you know what the worst feeling really is?” Her eyes were red, puffy and lost…very lost. And then it stroke Laura that Carmilla may have _never_ had a pillar to mourn before—a safe haven.

“What is it?”

“Loneliness.” She pauses to take a deep breath, even though she doesn't need one. “It doesn't matter if they made you suffer, or laugh, or cry. When they’re gone, there’s something inside of you that goes with them too, and you feel _so_ lonely.” Laura understood. She understood the feeling, not like Carmilla did, but she understood. It hit her and she was now crying with her…crying the wave away until they fell asleep.

\---

It was quiet in their dorm room. After Carmilla broke down on Laura’s arms the other night, she continued on reading the next book without pausing. They agreed that it was impossible to be too apart from each other, so every now and then Laura would approach towards Carmilla for comfort—or out of plain habit. Enough to not be a distraction.

“Ok, so tell me your theories at this point.” Carmilla was reading resting on Laura’s lap while the latter re-read one of her required books to find more important points to talk about on her lit paper. She eyed occasionally as her girlfriend was approaching the end of book six, and once she did, she peeked her curiosity.

“Well, for starters, Harry _has_ to be a horrocrux, otherwise, why make it such a big deal? It would be a shame if he isn’t.” Laura didn’t think Harry was a horrocrux before. “Hence, he will die.” But she did think he was going to die. “Also, Snape is such a double agent. I mean, it’s clear.”

“That he betrayed Dumbledure’s trust?”

“Oh, no. That he’s doing everything for the dimwit Potter that is—wait, scratch that—the woman he loves.”

“How corny.” Laura mocks.

“Very. Oh, and that adventure they plan on going…full of angst and drama.” Laura quirked an eyebrow because everything up to this point was true. “I also foresee a big battle…” Right. “…at Hogwarts.” Right. “And important deaths.” And right again. “Am I close?”

A repressed huff was all Carmilla needed to confirm her theories. And a satisfied grin was all Laura needed to get the strength to kick her girlfriend out from her lap. With no lap and no comfort, Carmilla scowls, but before she can verbally protest Laura cuts her thoughts. “You just know everything, don’t you?”

“Did you just let me spoil myself? You’re supposed to tell me _‘you need to read it, Carmilla’,_ or _‘I won’t spoil the fun for you, Carmilla.’_ ” Laura just laughed at the very terrible impersonation of her. There was something in Carmilla’s high-pitched voice that caused Laura to always lose it. Carmilla’s glad she has that effect. And even though she didn’t intend to cause it, the sight of Laura laughing was one Carmilla’s favorite facet of hers.

“It’s just—everything you said is on point.”

“To be fair, it’s a little predictable.”

“Possibly for a 334 year old vampire who has read a life’s worth of literature, and theories, and—”

“I’m enjoying myself, I will read the…” She searched for the seventh book on the almost empty box set. “…Deathly Hallows, even though you spoiled me...” Laura shot her a look. “…or that I effectively figured out everything.”

“You’re an _insufferable_ —” Her breath hitched as Carmilla laced her fingers with hers.

“— _know-it-all_? Proud of it.” Carmilla said with a smug, big grin.

 

\---

 

“ _All was well_? That’s it?”

“You get a happy ending.”

“True.” Carmilla’s head was once again on Laura’s lap—this was her favorite position—and her eyes were now heavy on Laura’s. The latter was stroking Carmilla’s hair looking blankly at it, but she felt the burn and turned to look at her girlfriend.

They maintained that position for a while until Laura flicked away to Carmilla’s lips and went down to kiss her softly—so softly. But they were gone too soon and Carmilla found herself once again in a daze.

“I read all seven books for you, Hollis.” Her eyes were closed, but Laura could tell she was teasing. “I deserve my prize. If you're finished with your studies, that is.”

She is finished with studying for the day. “And what would that be?” She is startled by how quick Carmilla sat up.

“Dance with me.” And how she was out of bed.

“You know I don’t know how to dance, specially waltz.” She was suddenly feeling shy and dumb about the whole thing.

“I know, but I liked book four when they had that ball, and then on this book with the wedding. I…” She hesitated. “I don’t know… I want to dance with you.”

“Would you teach me for posterity?”

“For posterity.” Carmilla extended a hand to Laura, which she gladly took.

They positioned themselves traditionally and Carmilla started swaying as she could to an imaginary tune in her head, pulling Laura with her. She then hummed that imaginary tune out loud to help Laura and she started to get it. Carmilla slowly came to a stop to check in.

“Did you get it?”

“I think so. One, two, three, four. One, two…” She moved at the count with Carmilla and she reached closer to Laura’s ear and softly started to hum her tune again. “Thank you.”

“For?” She extended her arm spinning her girlfriend, looking intensely at her.

“Reading those. They mean a lot to me.” It was a graceful spin. Laura was a fast learner. And even though it was a tiny space, it was enough for them to move happily. 

“I know…they now mean a great deal to me as well.” She meant it. She didn't think for a second a book series—initially intended for kids—would get to mean so much to her. But it was a big part of Laura's past, present and future. It explained unspeakable aspects of her and it got Carmilla to show herself to Laura—her own unspeakable aspects. Anything that could do that _had_ to mean a great deal to her.

They were silent for a while but it didn’t last long. Probably not even a minute.

“So which house would you be in?” Carmilla genuinely laughed. Of course Laura would decide to have a conversation in the middle of a graceful dance.

“Definitely Slytherin.” Carmilla drew her girlfriend closer.

“Is it because of your snarky intellect?” Laura scuffed while she moved her free hand from Carmilla’s shoulder to the back of her neck.

“More like my passionate individualistic loyalty.”

“To…?” Laura sounded hopeful, so Carmilla spun her around one more time.

“You, my one safe place.” She placed a kiss on Laura’s temple, and then traveled down her cheek, jawline, up her nose—all between whispered _‘I love you’s_ —until finding her soft lips to bask in the peacefulness of it all—the peacefulness of her safe haven.

The books provided them something necessary for their bond to strengthen in such a way it promised a forever.

**Author's Note:**

> theotherbroodinglover on tumblr, in case you are into social media as well. Did you experience a roller coaster while reading these books?


End file.
